University of Minnesota's Identity Crisis - What is That?

University of Minnesota Police Department Suspect Sketch Artist and Eye Witness:

"So the suspect had one nose, two eyes and a mouth. Any ears?"

"Yes, two of them."

"Great, we're done here"

"Wait. I believe the person I saw was male."

"Can't use that...sexist."

"Okay, he was about 5'5'' and weighed about 260."

"Nope. Sounds obese. Can't use that either."

"Well, he was dark skinned and..."

"Stop right there! That's racist."

"No. He has this really great tan. It's my roommate."

"Alright mister. That’s quite enough out of you. Now you’re stating the obvious and we don't allow that here."

"Whatever."

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Tennis in Advertisements - What Is That?

This is part of our Tennis Ad Watch, which is not really so much about ads for tennis, as they usually feature actual tennis players, but rather about ads that place so-called (perhaps, actual) tennis players somewhere within them.

These ads usually contain a few seconds of some average Joe or Jane involved in some less-than-exhilarating match play or something taking place on a tennis court.

I get it. Advertisers (usually health related) want to show someone engaged in physical activity; however, it would be a little more digestible to employ an average Joe Tennis Player or Jane Tennis Player. Some of the ads are downright hilarious.
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The first ad below has nothing to do with health or health-related products, but the tennis portion is quite effective and you can tell the lady tennis player didn't pick up a racket for the first time ten minutes before they began taping. Gotta love that little bouncy-shuffle-ready thingy going on after her last shot.

Nadal's Shorts Finally Come Off!

After all these years of tugging on his shorts and whatever else, Nadal's shorts finally came off during a match.

See the video.

Otto's Fun Days

These are images of Otto just as he began his position as mascot of The Motto Shop.

We asked him to stop clowning around so much. That didn't happen.

Have You Ever Noticed - Tennis Players in Films

Have you ever noticed in most movies, TV shows, and more so, on TV commercials, that you can almost immediately discern that whomever is supposedly playing tennis may have had their closest and only encounter with the sport back when playing Pong on an Atari machine some time back in the '70s. It's comical.

Well, a few months ago I was browsing the TCM (Ted Turner's Commercial-Free Classic Movie Channel) schedule on my box hoping to find something interesting or entertaining to waste a couple hours with, perhaps Bogey up to something mysterious, Gary Grant being witty in most anything he did or Lauren Bacall just being Lauren Bacall. I love classic movies and am no celebrity hound by any means. I'm just throwing around some names.

My New BFF

by Meredith Harrington

My new BFF is Tennis. It’s been said that it’s the only game that gives you the most love. Ha ha, get it? Love! If you aren’t familiar with the game, love stands for zero in the scoring system. You start at love, then move up to 15, 30, 40 and possibly deuce. For deuce you keep playing until someone scores ahead by two) (i.e., 6-4, 7-5).

In my case, tennis began with a renewed effort to play with a best friend on public courts three hot summers ago. Both of us had been avid players 30 years before, but life got in the way. Babies were born, toddlers joined Gymboree, toddlers grew up and went to school, until at long last, our free time became free for us to choose what we wanted to do. I was an empty nester, but my friend was not. So, we tried meeting early on Sundays to get in a set or two. I didn’t especially enjoy singles, so I invited a few friends to turn us into a doubles team. Then I bought a $5 Groupon to join Baltimore Tennis Patrons, a USTA-tennis league, and started playing mixed doubles, while keeping my weekend game alive. Not a fan of mixed doubles, I however passed my name around, and by fall, was playing with a northern Baltimore County tennis rec league, women only. Loving the friendliness of women’s doubles, I then was invited to play indoor summer with another group, and then 4 more!

What a Dish...washer

I love to cook - it's creative, social and comes in quite handy when one needs something to eat. This evening I made the main course for my mother along with two items she does quite well, Cole slaw and seasoned baked potatoes. Actually she is a good cook and does quite well at preparing most any dish.

The Cole slaw is a simple combination of white and red cabbage, a three to one ratio roughly, mixed in with just the right amounts of mayo, white or balsamic vinegar, salt and pepper. All the cabbage is rough cut as this is not simply a side dish – it’s meant to be heartier in this case.

The potatoes are always baked, but prior they are hand rubbed with extra virgin olive oil and kosher salt. This makes a world of difference as these spuds are baking and even more so once the fork hits your mouth.

Belgian Waffles, U.S. World Cup Soccer, Football and Wimbledon

Julian Green of the U.S. celebrates after
scoring a goal during extra time.
(REUTERS/Michael Dalder)

Well, I would be lying if I said, "I really know what's going on at Wimbledon." Except for a few updates...okay, I'd still be lying.

There's something much larger going on right now and I can't be bothered with tennis, a sport I love so much. 

Another sport, soccer, is having its World Cup right now. I began playing soccer as a child down here in the South when most people were clueless if you mentioned the sport of soccer and you dared calling it football. I was selected for the All-State team and went on to college to play and I should have looked at other colleges I didn't know were looking at me (long story). But, I never called soccer, football. There's good reason - to prevent confusion and also to avoid some angry fans of the other game I also like, from making ignorant comments about the one I was playing at the time.

Wait! Where Did It Go?

I imagine most (okay, some) of us, at some time (still do) use a shock absorber (vibration dampener) on our racquet strings even though scientific research has indicated that these offer little (okay, no) protection from the vibrations when your tennis racket strikes a ball or anything else (for you out-of-control, angry racquet-destroyers) for that matter.

I have no clue why I still use a shock absorber on my racquet, but I am certain that if I would simply take a new racquet, forget the shock absorber and hit without it for a while, I would never miss it.

Up On the Rooftop, Ouch, Ouch, Ouch

Many years ago, several business associates and I attended a trade show in Dallas and were asked by our boss to come down a few days early to enjoy ourselves while he and the CEO were to play a few rounds of golf with some customers. 

We didn’t spend an ounce of time surveying our accommodations at our hotel upon arriving and soon headed out the lobby doors to explore Dallas.

A Toadal Surprise in the Christmas Tree

I put up the Christmas tree, a modest Frazier Fir with good shape, a few days ago and we were in no hurry to do any decorating of the tree that night.

After waking up the next day I began to walk down the hallway and here was this little green guy (girl perhaps) just in front of me on the carpet.

Sit. No, Stay. Oh, Forget It.

This is for those of you who believe you can multitask (probably the most abused, least accurate term ever contrived) simply because you have the ability to walk (forget the gum-chewing part) and talk (usually clueless as to exactly what) at the same time. 

When pulling up to an intersection and assuming you are doing mankind a favor by waiting to text someone about something probably awfully not important, by waiting until your vehicle comes to a halt, please try to remember...

...this sign means stop, NOT STAY!

Kill the Golfers?

I didn't start playing golf until way into my adult years. Actually I did play prior to this, but not with much thought or effort. It was another excuse I didn't need to catch some rays, slam down some cold ones and enjoy the outdoors. Golf car(t)s added a little something to it also. Must be the motors and wheels thing us guys gravitate toward, even at 12 miles an hour. Yeah, I know - must of us have gone much faster in them at some time.

I finally took golf somewhat serious when I realized it was an essential part of my career and greens fees and most everything else associated with an outing (balls, beverages, 19th hole, lunch or dinner), short of my bag, clubs and shoes, was paid for by persons other than me. Okay, I can learn the proper etiquette and how to better play the game. And, I did.

Okay, So I Did Name My Water Bottle

Blu in a Shoe

I've been known to personify objects in conversation or during a joke, but I rarely name inanimate objects.

Now, I do tend to name things which have motors or wheels - a car named Roxy, another named Land Cruiser, a bicycle named Gracie and even a chain saw named Fred.

I've never even named a tennis racket (more in a second) and this I have known a few guys to do on occasion - usually it's some ominous name like Crusher or The Blade. The former owner could crush a ball but had a hard time keeping it in and the latter would slice a ball so close it would have no authority and got crushed at the net. So much for that.

Jon Cryer Playing Tennis? At the U.S. Open?

It must have been a late match, I caught some highlight clips or I was extremely exhausted.

I swear I saw Jon Cryer of Two and a half Men playing a match with Vasek Pospisil against the Bryan Brothers at the U.S. Open in Round 3.

This had to be some joke Charlie Sheen put him up to. Nah, Jon wouldn't do that.

Anyway, he and Vasek played one hell of a match until Mike and Bob desperately rallied in the third set.

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Hair, Nails, Skirts...Talons

All cohesion and teamwork can come together on the tennis court between friends and then again, well...maybe not.

Most of us know the potential dangers of mixed doubles teams consisting of significant others and spouses. See 'Til Match Point Do We Part.

And many of us male doubles partners may have some of the same issues to address on court, perhaps in a different manner, right or wrong (unproductive/destructive), just 'cause we're guys.

Other Uses for Tennis Sweat Bands

The Possibilities are Infinite!

The Greatest Tennis Match Ever Not Played - Obama/Carney versus Pelosi/Holder

U.S. President Barack Obama

W.H. Press Secretary Jay Carney 

President Barack Obama (Serving) - "15-Love"

Attorney General Eric Holder (Returning Serve) - "With all due respect Mr. President, it is Love-15."

Obama - "Eric, you know I hired you don't you?"

Holder - "Yes, but..."

Obama - "Jay, where the hell is the teleprompter?"

White House Press Secretary Jay Carney - "Well, it's over..."

Obama - "Would you please turn it toward Mr. Holder so he knows the damn score."

Carney - "Yes, Mr. Pres..."

Obama - "Nancy. What the hell are you giggling about?"

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi - "Well Mr. President, I thought we could just keep playing and worry about the score later."
    
Obama - "Jay, I like that. Whadda you think?

Carney - "I like that - simple. Yeah, that's great."

Obama - "Holder, you got that? No, don't answer. Just stand there."

Attorney General Eric Holder

Obama (First serve called "out" by Holder) - "Jay, did you see that? Was that good or what?"

Carney - "Yes sir, Mr. President. There is an overwhelming consensus, indicating that serve was definitely in."

Holder - "Well, I believe..."

Bring It On Back - The Mach I

To truly appreciate, understand or even have a clue what this article is about you will need to have read Bring It On Back - The OctaCurve Mach III.

Without understanding a little about the OctaCurve Mach III one truly can't appreciate the Mach I. Well perhaps so, just for its pure and simplistic design.

One would assume the Mach I to be the predecessor of the Mach III when actually the Mach I left off where the Mach III ended.

More accurately, the Mach I came about because the outer two panels of the Mach III were left off. They were never included in the first 100 orders - some shipping error.

You Are Probably Sandbagging (3)

If your opponent in league match play hasn’t hit a ball since warm-up, except during their service, you are probably sandbagging.